[June 11, 2023 @ 11:38 AM]
For the first five months of this year, loneliness had me in a chokehold. Loneliness of which I am no stranger to, but was incredibly eager to find a remedy for. As an introvert, I can confidently say that 9 times out of 10 I am more than okay with being alone. It's blissful to me... until it wasn't anymore.
A year and a half ago, I moved out of my parent's house and have been living on my own. I've loved every minute of it, however, at some point my blissful introversion started to feel dreadfully stifling. I know I love myself and enjoy my own company, but I soon began to settle into the fact that being alone did not offer me the same enjoyment that it used to.
In true dramatic ass girl fashion, I started having somewhat of an identity crisis because what did this mean? Was I becoming an extrovert? Who am I?
Before I could send myself spiraling any further, I acknowledged that there was no identity crisis to be had. I was just lonely. That's it, that's all. And it made me sad and uncomfortable to feel this all encompassing loneliness that followed me day to day.
I wasn't getting any closer to escaping it... so I sat in it. Sometimes you really just have to sit in that shit, okay! I met myself with unabashed honesty about all of the things that I was feeling because not everything about this particular bout of loneliness pointed to my introversion. It was an indicator of several other things that I was reluctant to admit to and that I'm honestly still processing.
After a lot of tears (imma cry about it, duh!), talks with God and sessions with my therapist my loneliness started to feel like less of a dark cloud hovering over me. I make sure I spend more time with my loved ones and have become more intentional about being in community with others-- which I'm loving. Yes, I'm still very much an all around introvert, but I'm making space for how different that may look in different phases of my life.
It's okay to feel lonely. My life is no less beautiful and colorful because of it. It still has meaning and I still have purpose. Eventually, in some way or another, I made peace with my loneliness. I grabbed it by the hand and walked with it until it loosened its grip and let go. And now I'm feeling much better. Until we meet again.
Thank you for reading, and as usual... be great! xoxo
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